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i have been reading books about abusive relationship after leaving one. yet, friends do not understand me.?

after months of leaving the abusive relationship (i left coz he sexually assaulted me) reading books about abuse helps me to understand what has happened and to reaffirm that i was not wrong. i just do not know how to explain to my friends that it is better for me to understand then to avoid. people keep on asking me to stop reading those matterial.

Public Comments

1. as one says " whats in your head will happen " perhaps thats what your friends mean. your thoughts are what make you life. please try and move on and no relationships for a while. get a hobby and focus on great things . please trust me. I speak the truth.
2. It is not bad for you to do. In fact you may be able to help others avoid what happened to you, or help those who have had similar happen to them.
3. Was the abuse happening before the assault? If so,did you keep thinking it would stop, and you would live happily ever after? Did you try to make yourself believe it would stop? If so,maybe you are to blame,WAIT, listen,men that are even the slightest bit abusive wont just stop,no matter how much you think they might, or, it will get better, I just know it will. If thats the case,not only did you enable the abuse, you LIED ,to yourself. You knew it wouldn't get better,but you hung around anyway.And he knew he could treat you like that and get away with it,so do you really think you acted in a reasonable manner? Men like that don't think they're doing anything wrong, in fact they think what they are doing is "right" they must control you, otherwise you will just get out of hand,and they're ego wont allow it.Did you notice the abuse getting worse over time? more frequent? a pattern? But you stayed,right? To him that meant it was ok. Do you see where I'm going with this? you need to promise your self, that at the very first sign of over powering ,you will RUN not walk away, and not look back. Have you heard any of this before? thats where the guilty feelings come from,you knew better than to stay, but you did anyway, You are not a bad person,just the opposite, but thats got to stop,I don't mean stop being a good person,just stop beating yourself up.Get over it , and stop dwelling on the past,you can never understand why it happened, but you know what to avoid in the future, and you can put that knowledge to good use if any of your friends get into that kind of situation. good luck with life and remember, love yourself first.
4. It is very hard for someone who hasn't been in an abusive relationship or abused to understand how devastating it can be. I know how hard it is to think that someone you loved and trusted and who you thought loved you can betray your trust like this. Try not to discuss it with your friends if they don't understand. You did the right thing by leaving, thank goodness you had the courage to, well done you. Now you have a better understanding of why people do it and its not the fault of the 'victim' try and move on with your life. The longer you think about what he did to you, the longer he still has power over you. Draw a line under it and don't look back. It will get easier in time and you will find someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Best of luck, you're a brave lady x
5. Anything you learn should be taken on board and then you move on. otherwise you could end up fixated on that subject for a very long time. But it just sounds as though you have been through a tough time and want to really understand why it occurred and when you are ready you will move on. Because there is so much more out there to discover.